Day 165: Why are we pretending this is nothing?

Mood:  Confused and wondering 

Title Taken from the song:  Story of Us by Taylor Swift

I am so hooked on this song by Taylor Swift. 

I really feel like this describes how we are right now.

I have been successful at hiding from you

I did not let your presence or the idea that you are in the same building deter me

I worked and worked knowing I only have limited time

before I make the final decision to quit this job

not because of you, mind you...

but i have so many reasons to push me in channeling my talents somewhere else

but you wouldn't know what I've been going

because we are still ignoring each other. 

I can not pretend to be friends with you

Knowing how you didn't even apologize properly

We were in this mess primarily because of you

I've always had sincere intentions

You were the one who couldn't make up what you really wanted

and why you were doing the things you were doing

I moved on with a little help from my friends

and I appreciate everything that came my way

my relationship with other people has improved

and you were not in the picture anymore

I still get signs from the universe telling me not to forget you completely. 

and by now, i hate all these signs i don't want to see

and i am starting to dislike this meddling universe for pointing you to me

Last week, i had a shot at simple happiness when I peeked through the glass window.

I just saw your back while you were busy working.

i still care about you, you see

and this is something i can not just shake off

i had managed to just survive and thrive knowing you're permanently in my heart

i just need to learn how to cover your place with a lot of band-aids 

so that i won't get to feel you at all

and to the world, my heart looks new and shiny

I had my quota of stolen glances for the month

so I wasn't expecting when you suddenly breezed past me

I was photocopying happily 

and by some twist of circumstances I looked up the same time you gave a backward glance

we had a moment of eye-to-eye contact

and here's to my world rattled again. 

I continued pretending I didn't care much about your presence

but I am so much wiser now

I could see your reflection in the muddy window glass

and I saw how you quickly glanced at my back when you hastily walked behind me

I pretended to read what's on my screen

but I could feel your gaze burning 

and I could still feel you

even when you pretend you don't see me

I knew that you saw me from the other side of the room

and you saw me going to the photocopy machine

this is why you made that backward glance

I miss you so much

and my weekend was filled with thoughts of you

I somehow knew that you were thinking of me, too

I want to be held by you one last time

and I want my last memory of you to be special

not like this

quoting Taylor Swift: "...the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now..."