Intermission: I just need you now

I just feel really really sad right now
I feel hopeless because I suddenly missed you
And I want those moments we could talk about anything
And you can just hug me so tightly and I can forget about the world
We can walk in the rain
and We can exchange candies


I miss you so much 

Day 199: Lost Like Some Forgotten Dream

Mood: Calm

Title taken from the Song: Real Love by The Beatles

I was so busy this week and this offered me a small window to help myself forget you

In my mind, I created a goodbye scene:

We were at a mart, standing behind the fridge

pretending to get a drink

I was behind you as you face the glass door

I told you: "Stand there. Stay put and don't EVER turn around."

My head dropped a little until my forehead touched your back

I let my head lean onto you that way

and I slowly ran my hands from your shoulder until it found its way into your hands

I clasped your hands and I closed my eyes

I started crying, silently. 

And you just stood there...feeling my tears 

you grabbed my arms and wrapped it in your middle section

You tried to turn but I panicked and asked you to stay

I started talking about my feelings

and how wonderful you were

and how much you've added meaning to my life

and after pouring out my soul

I asked you to do one last favor

I needed you to stand there for 60 seconds. 

Do not ever turn

You can turn around after the 60 seconds have lapsed

By then, I'll be gone and I won't look back

I was happy with my imaginary goodbye scene

Dramatic but fitting. 

I saw you today

I was happy because you stayed in the same area I was in

You were wearing red

and you look like a red king crab

I made a really quick about-face when I saw you

I know, I know. Stupid move. 

Then I didn't know where to go

I kept walking randomly and I think you noticed that

I suddenly felt stupid and decided to quit my stupid rattle act

I played songs that made me feel better

It so timely that I was playing Fiona Apple's Across the Universe

When I turned, there you were

I was happy with my reaction

I didn't feel the need to run to you 

and hug you

although I wanted you

i think i enjoy moving on ^_^ 

you'll always be in my heart though... 

you'll be my secret

Day 184: I hope this song will guide you home

Mood: Sad yet Accepting

Title taken from the Song: Such Great Heights by the Postal Service

Today, I had a breakthrough

I had this feeling of acceptance

that I may not have you anymore

I feel sad and tearful though

I didn't want it to end this way

I've always known this:

This will end in tears

But I wanted it to end beautifully

That even though my eyes are about to pop out from crying...

...I still feel blessed and grateful for having met you

I hate the feeling of mixed hatred and love for you

That one second I wish you'd say 'Hi' to me again 

so I'll just lower my pride and say 'Hi'' back

and not run away like what I did. 

I wanted to tell you everything:

how I felt, how I loved everything about you

how you are like this sunshine I refused to see in the past

and how you've always been part of my life in some way

even before I have met you. 

I wanted to tell you 

how wonderful you are

and how you should believe in yourself some more

and I wanted to tell you

that I love you

unfailingly. unquestionably. unconditionally. 

I am saying goodbye

really moving on. 

by limiting my interaction with you

by being somewhere far

so that I don't get moments of idiosyncrasies

to get a glimpse of you

to make me a little happy

I will try to survive not knowing how you are

and just hope and believe that you'll always be okay

and that you will take care of yourself. 

I hope my loving hopes and prayers will always be felt. 

Live and enjoy life. I'll do the same. 

I know I will still get moments of longing

but right now, I am more accepting of my hopeless situation. 

Goodbye.