Day 121: This could be the last mistake that I would ever wanna do

Mood:  Numb

Title Taken from the Song: Another Heart Calls by The All-American Rejects (feat the Pierces)

I felt so numb the past few days

and I was proud of myself for being able to forget you

then I realized that you still cross my mind

and I said to myself: "at least, my heart does not seem to care anymore"

But I was wrong. 

My heart does care. 

The only reason it's been numb is because:

I cry myself to sleep everyday

It's been 39 days since the last time I saw you

You disappeared once again

without saying goodbye

I told you that we should stop this game

My broken heart has been shattered to pieces

repeatedly

that it's now unrecognizable

I keep waiting and waiting

for you to say goodbye

and you never do

you run away

from whatever demons you're battling within yourself

and you'll never get over me

because you can never resolve me

One day, when you're ready to come back to me

My heart will be renewed

and made stronger

and I'll heap onto you all the pain and suffering I've experienced 

under your expert heart-breaker hands

By then I will have moved on

and more focused

successful

and you will still be alone in your confused world

i just want you to say what you mean and mean what you say

and have the conviction

and not run away from the intensity

the moment you did what you wanted, 

it felt so strong 

and maybe it was wrong

but the moment it happened it was so right

i am not some jettison you throw overboard just to make your load lighter

and someday you will realize that. 

i will wait for the day when i can slap you in the face

and make you regret all these cat-and-mouse games you've put me through

i will still love you

but it doesn't mean i will have to put up with all the crap you subject me to

Everyday, when I wake up, 

I will function 

and I will get past the feeling of longing

wanting to talk to you

even if it means that I have to cry myself to sleep 

just to do this. 

And you will always have me in your mind

in your heart

in your senses

you will never resolve me

you will always wonder about me

for the rest of your life. 

Day 120: I see nothing worse than to sail this universe without you

Mood:  Heartbroken  

Title Taken From the Song: We Are Stars by the Pierces

We are stars,
Fashioned in the flesh and bone,
We are islands,
Excuses to remain alone,
We are moons,
Throw ourselves around each other,
We are oceans,
Being controlled by the pull of another.

And I just wanna be loved by you,
Yeah I just wanna be loved by you,
I see nothing worse than to sail this universe without you.

When we met,
I was pulling an angel out of a liar,
We forget,
Satisfaction kills our desire,
We are dreamers,
Wishing upon what we were born from,
We made plans,
Kill them ourselves,
And then we mourn them.

And I just wanna be loved by you,
Yeah I just wanna be loved by you,
I see nothing worse than to sail this universe without you.

And I just wanna be loved by you,
Yeah I just wanna be loved by you,
I see nothing worse than to sail this universe without you.
(I just wanna be loved by you)
I see nothing worse than to sail this universe without you.
(I just wanna be loved by you)
I see nothing worse than to sail this universe without you,
Without you.

Day 89: Heart, We Will Forget Him

Heart, we will forget him,
You and I, tonight!
You must forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light.

When you have done pray tell me,
Then I, my thoughts, will dim.
Haste! ‘lest while you’re lagging
I may remember him!


- Emily Dickinson

Day 51 (Feb 21): Got You Where I Want You

Mood: Confused
Title Taken from the Song: Got You Where I Want You by The Flys






Right now, I got you where I want you
You saying how sorry you are
Acting like we could just pick up where we left off
But we forgot one little detail: my heart

It's still broken
shattered to pieces
and i can not pretend that the past didn't happen


there will always be this defensive stance
this wall i will surround myself with
this fortress to protect myself

so although this moment is something i have wished to happen
i am too scared to move
to scared to accept this sorta fairytale move of yours
because i know that one of these days you will break my heart again