Day 121: This could be the last mistake that I would ever wanna do

Mood:  Numb

Title Taken from the Song: Another Heart Calls by The All-American Rejects (feat the Pierces)

I felt so numb the past few days

and I was proud of myself for being able to forget you

then I realized that you still cross my mind

and I said to myself: "at least, my heart does not seem to care anymore"

But I was wrong. 

My heart does care. 

The only reason it's been numb is because:

I cry myself to sleep everyday

It's been 39 days since the last time I saw you

You disappeared once again

without saying goodbye

I told you that we should stop this game

My broken heart has been shattered to pieces

repeatedly

that it's now unrecognizable

I keep waiting and waiting

for you to say goodbye

and you never do

you run away

from whatever demons you're battling within yourself

and you'll never get over me

because you can never resolve me

One day, when you're ready to come back to me

My heart will be renewed

and made stronger

and I'll heap onto you all the pain and suffering I've experienced 

under your expert heart-breaker hands

By then I will have moved on

and more focused

successful

and you will still be alone in your confused world

i just want you to say what you mean and mean what you say

and have the conviction

and not run away from the intensity

the moment you did what you wanted, 

it felt so strong 

and maybe it was wrong

but the moment it happened it was so right

i am not some jettison you throw overboard just to make your load lighter

and someday you will realize that. 

i will wait for the day when i can slap you in the face

and make you regret all these cat-and-mouse games you've put me through

i will still love you

but it doesn't mean i will have to put up with all the crap you subject me to

Everyday, when I wake up, 

I will function 

and I will get past the feeling of longing

wanting to talk to you

even if it means that I have to cry myself to sleep 

just to do this. 

And you will always have me in your mind

in your heart

in your senses

you will never resolve me

you will always wonder about me

for the rest of your life.