Playlist: Are you Happy Now?

Date: August 21, 2011
Playlist Purpose: I wonder what you are thinking of, when you saw me and my friend said you tried to hide by looking down. You look pathetic and you look funny.

Prussian Blue by Popsicle
Kiss from a Rose by Seal
Brick by Ben Folds Five
Wonderwall by Ryan Adams
What I Got by Sublime
Her Most Beautiful Smile by Taro Iwashiro
Nightingale by Norah Jones
Get Here by Oletta Adams
Hey Stephen by Taylor Swift
The Bird and the Worm by The Used
Save Yourself by Stabbing Westward
Crazy for You by Madonna
Driving with the Breaks On by Del Amitri
Hemorrhage by Fuel
Insensitive by Jann Arden
Gone by Matt Nathanson
Someone Like You by Adele
Fact-Fiction by Mads Langer
Over You by Daughtry
When I'm Thinking About You by The Sundays
IF by Janet Jackson
Look After You by The Fray
Lightning Crashes by Live
Pyro by Kings of Leon
Walking After You by Foo Fighters
Breathe by Faith Hill

Day 233: Does It Seem I'm Looking for an Answer to a Question I Can't Ask?

Mood: Peaceful and Happy, somewhat
Title Taken from the Song: Nightingale by Norah Jones


Last week you said something terrible
A really slight remark that hits the mark
If your aim was to hurt me,
then I should hand you an MVP award
for being the most successful person to wrack my brains
and dismantle my heart with pain


Pretending I don't exist is good
I've been doing the same for the past months
But you didn't need to pretend to other people
and deny that you actually knew who I am
Are you happy now?


A friend got mad at me for still mooning over you
and I want you to know that I am okay now
I saw you the other day
and I didn't feel the need to confront you
In the back of my mind, I thought it was a waste of time
This is good... I'm slowly on the road to indifference


My hatred towards you is slowly becoming a disgust
and an observation of the things that make you a loser
a jerk
an ass
a douche-bag
all the things I've heard about you
from other people are summing up
and making me want to believe all the bad things they say about you


you're one big flirt
who doesn't know what he wants
who doesn't have the guts to apologize
who doesn't have the wisdom to see everything in one big picture
who always messes up his work because he spends more time flirting
i can't believe i ever defended you


I know that someday I might just look back at these words
and take it all back
and believe in the goodness I've always known is in there
but for now, it's not doing me any good to believe in you
so I'll just use the mean things you've shown
and amplify that to help me move on


I feel sorry for you
and I hope your soul won't rest from thinking
about all the things that could've been
all the words you should have said
and the right apology that should have been extended
and because you'll always have unfinished business with me
you'll never ever get over me...
Period.

ass.

Day 220: You've been praying for a remedy

Mood: Tearful

Title taken from the Song: Drown by Carolina Liar

Last week has been a week of jealousy.

You don't deserve it, I know.

And I don't deserve to feel this misery

After all, I do not know you anymore

I was so mad at myself but I realized I needed to feel this

So I can finally shut up 

So I can look at myself and realized how ridiculous I've been 

for being so envious and jealous that you're befriending my friend

I hate it when people mention your name

I long for the day when I won't hurt anymore

I wish that you'll experience what I'm feeling

and I hope that you'll crave and miss me like hell

I wish that you'll dream of me non-stop

and You'll wake up frustrated 

Because you'll wonder if you're crazy

I wish you'll be full of regrets

I wish I will have the time 

when the world turns around

and it's my turn to speak

I will tell you everything

but by then, I'll be stronger

and even if I will still love you

I won't want you anymore

I hate you. I truly hate you.  

Intermission: I just need you now

I just feel really really sad right now
I feel hopeless because I suddenly missed you
And I want those moments we could talk about anything
And you can just hug me so tightly and I can forget about the world
We can walk in the rain
and We can exchange candies


I miss you so much 

Day 199: Lost Like Some Forgotten Dream

Mood: Calm

Title taken from the Song: Real Love by The Beatles

I was so busy this week and this offered me a small window to help myself forget you

In my mind, I created a goodbye scene:

We were at a mart, standing behind the fridge

pretending to get a drink

I was behind you as you face the glass door

I told you: "Stand there. Stay put and don't EVER turn around."

My head dropped a little until my forehead touched your back

I let my head lean onto you that way

and I slowly ran my hands from your shoulder until it found its way into your hands

I clasped your hands and I closed my eyes

I started crying, silently. 

And you just stood there...feeling my tears 

you grabbed my arms and wrapped it in your middle section

You tried to turn but I panicked and asked you to stay

I started talking about my feelings

and how wonderful you were

and how much you've added meaning to my life

and after pouring out my soul

I asked you to do one last favor

I needed you to stand there for 60 seconds. 

Do not ever turn

You can turn around after the 60 seconds have lapsed

By then, I'll be gone and I won't look back

I was happy with my imaginary goodbye scene

Dramatic but fitting. 

I saw you today

I was happy because you stayed in the same area I was in

You were wearing red

and you look like a red king crab

I made a really quick about-face when I saw you

I know, I know. Stupid move. 

Then I didn't know where to go

I kept walking randomly and I think you noticed that

I suddenly felt stupid and decided to quit my stupid rattle act

I played songs that made me feel better

It so timely that I was playing Fiona Apple's Across the Universe

When I turned, there you were

I was happy with my reaction

I didn't feel the need to run to you 

and hug you

although I wanted you

i think i enjoy moving on ^_^ 

you'll always be in my heart though... 

you'll be my secret

Day 184: I hope this song will guide you home

Mood: Sad yet Accepting

Title taken from the Song: Such Great Heights by the Postal Service

Today, I had a breakthrough

I had this feeling of acceptance

that I may not have you anymore

I feel sad and tearful though

I didn't want it to end this way

I've always known this:

This will end in tears

But I wanted it to end beautifully

That even though my eyes are about to pop out from crying...

...I still feel blessed and grateful for having met you

I hate the feeling of mixed hatred and love for you

That one second I wish you'd say 'Hi' to me again 

so I'll just lower my pride and say 'Hi'' back

and not run away like what I did. 

I wanted to tell you everything:

how I felt, how I loved everything about you

how you are like this sunshine I refused to see in the past

and how you've always been part of my life in some way

even before I have met you. 

I wanted to tell you 

how wonderful you are

and how you should believe in yourself some more

and I wanted to tell you

that I love you

unfailingly. unquestionably. unconditionally. 

I am saying goodbye

really moving on. 

by limiting my interaction with you

by being somewhere far

so that I don't get moments of idiosyncrasies

to get a glimpse of you

to make me a little happy

I will try to survive not knowing how you are

and just hope and believe that you'll always be okay

and that you will take care of yourself. 

I hope my loving hopes and prayers will always be felt. 

Live and enjoy life. I'll do the same. 

I know I will still get moments of longing

but right now, I am more accepting of my hopeless situation. 

Goodbye. 

Day 11: My heart is under arrest again

Mood: What the H*ll was that?

Title Taken from the Song: Best of You by Foo Fighters

I woke up with a dream of you

The first in these many months where dreams of you were zero

In my dream I didn't even get to see you

You were just communicating through the digital world. 

You just typed in song titles

I didn't catch it all. 

When I woke up, I typed the words I remember in a search string: 

"always mean to her", "foo fighters", "enrique iglesias"...

and I ended up with the following songs:

The Best of You by Foo Fighters

How I Miss You by Foo Fighters

But, Honestly by Foo Fighters

Tonight by Enrique Iglesias

It was pretty intense how the lyrics of "The Best of You" seem like words you'll probably want to say to me

and honestly, I got a bit worked up just thinking about this

If you asked me who's gotten the best of me, it is probably you.

I swear, you can still get to me even in my dreams. 

I've got another confession to make

I'm your fool

Everyone's got their chains to break

Holdin' you

Were you born to resist or be abused?

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Are you gone and onto someone new?

I needed somewhere to hang my head

Without your noose

You gave me something that I didn't have

But had no use

I was too weak to give in

Too strong to lose

My heart is under arrest again

But I break loose

My head is giving me life or death

But I can't choose

I swear I'll never give in

I refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith?

Its real, the pain you feel

You trust, you must

Confess

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Oh...

Oh...Oh...Oh...Oh...

Has someone taken your faith?

Its real, the pain you feel

The life, the love you'd die to heal

The hope that starts the broken hearts

You trust, you must

Confess

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

I've got another confession my friend

I'm no fool

I'm getting tired of starting again

Somewhere new

Were you born to resist or be abused?

I swear I'll never give in

I refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith?

Its real, the pain you feel

You trust, you must

Confess

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Oh...