Sunday, July 3, 2011

Day 184: I hope this song will guide you home


Mood: Sad yet Accepting
Title taken from the Song: Such Great Heights by the Postal Service

Today, I had a breakthrough
I had this feeling of acceptance
that I may not have you anymore
I feel sad and tearful though
I didn't want it to end this way



I've always known this:
This will end in tears
But I wanted it to end beautifully
That even though my eyes are about to pop out from crying...
...I still feel blessed and grateful for having met you



I hate the feeling of mixed hatred and love for you
That one second I wish you'd say 'Hi' to me again 
so I'll just lower my pride and say 'Hi'' back
and not run away like what I did. 

I wanted to tell you everything:
how I felt, how I loved everything about you
how you are like this sunshine I refused to see in the past
and how you've always been part of my life in some way
even before I have met you. 



I wanted to tell you 
how wonderful you are
and how you should believe in yourself some more
and I wanted to tell you
that I love you

unfailingly. unquestionably. unconditionally. 

I am saying goodbye
really moving on. 
by limiting my interaction with you
by being somewhere far
so that I don't get moments of idiosyncrasies
to get a glimpse of you
to make me a little happy



I will try to survive not knowing how you are
and just hope and believe that you'll always be okay
and that you will take care of yourself. 



I hope my loving hopes and prayers will always be felt. 
Live and enjoy life. I'll do the same. 

I know I will still get moments of longing
but right now, I am more accepting of my hopeless situation. 



Goodbye. 

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