Mood: Numb
Title Taken from the Song: Say Something by A Great Big World
Here we go again
You disappeared without telling me
You said that you're having a hard time and you can't talk to me yet
But I am tired of your games
You keep treating me this way
As if I am someone you could just PUT ON HOLD
I am not a toy that you could store in your special toy cabinet
and take out when conditions are convenient for you
You didn't even tell me you're disappearing
and I know that you've been gone for only a week
But for the past year, you've been here everyday
and one week seems a long long time
I used the time to wonder on a lot of things:
1) You said I'm the one you want. Your ideal.
If I am, why do you treat your ideal girl like she's some shit?
If this is the case, then I don't want to be your anything
2) The one you're taking for granted, someone else is wishing for
I started to appreciate this other guy who's been vying for my attention for a year now
I've been aloof, showing no signs of interest and yet he's always been there for me
As for you. I have always been there for you.
Maybe it is my fault because I made myself too available to you
But I realized, if this is all a game, then why just focus on you
I'd rather play with another and not have the burden of emotional turmoil
At least with The Other Guy, I am not vested emotionally
It is easy to walk away
My heart won't ache so badly that I'd have a hard time putting salve on my wounded heart
3) I guess you are only there during fun times
I accused you of being that type of friend.
The one who you can not depend on during tough times but is always there during fun days
I remember you saying I made you cry when I said this
But truth is, it seems that my observation is real
Because you are not here now and you disappeared again
when the going gets tough
4) I am still amazed how I did all those things for you
Tell me, what did I ever do wrong?
All the things I've done, I wanted to just simply add to your happiness
You mentioned road trip and I made it possible
You mentioned vacation to a favorite place of yours, and I was there
No questions asked.
I never asked you to share resources because it was a difficult time for you
but please stop it
if it is not possible then don't push for it and make me do everything just so it was made possible
because all i see is a type of guy who'd use and abuse another person
Good luck looking for another sugarmommy
5) I don't think I like you that much anymore
I realize that you're not worth every pain
and that you've been using me all along to feed your fantasies of getaways
road trips, and little dates
Thank you, if you've thought I was your ideal girl. But, I realized you're neither my ideal guy
Or anyone's ideal guy, for that matter
and that I realize now why your relationships failed.
It's because you are okay as a friend, but one wouldn't make a mistake of wanting to end up with you
If I meet you in another lifetime, another circumstance - I would not choose you.
Now that I have come to this point of giving up on you, I have options
I'm thinking of just walking away and never letting you know about this
Or I can say everything to your face and make it as uncomfortable for you as possible
Second option seems okay because I am not afraid to lose you anymore
After all, you are not afraid to lose me and it's just okay if I'm here or there
But then a true test of letting go is to be at peace with oneself and one's decision
I guess, I am still bitter after all
I don't know if my thoughts here are just my hatred talking
But I don't want to go back to hoping and wishing anymore
You're nothing but a heartache and a heartbreak
No comments:
Post a Comment