Day 24: I heard the news today, oh boy

Mood: Pretending
Title taken from the song: A Day in the Life by the Beatles 

For eight weeks, I threaded through the mud of agony and depression.

I looked normal. People even said I look so inspired. I never let people on that I was actually depressed.

Then came Christmas and I decided to pick myself up and move on.

The death of a dear friend was enough of a wake-up call. 

He was the only one I told about you. 

And now that he's not here, I can not afford to get heartbroken again. 

I might go crazy knowing there's no one else I can speak to about you.

I couldn't tell anyone else about you for the fear of being judged

I felt like once they knew I actually fell for you, 

I'd be seen as vulnerable. 

I'd be seen as weak. 

I'd rather them wonder endlessly than admit to it. 

Even now, I still hear them talking about you. 

They didn't know we're not even anything close to friends.
They'd talk to you and point me out
And I feel like the world is being cruel to me


I prayed and prayed that God would help me heal
and he answered my prayers

I heard the news a few weeks ago
about my transfer
and I know I have prayed for this
an exit
a way out from a lifestyle of thinking of you
a habit of remembering you
into a life of work
a life of focus on things that will reap rewards

I almost said goodbye to everyone
except to you
I had weeks of thinking 
trying to make a decision

How come the person you want to say goodbye to the most
is the only person you don't really get the chance to say goodbye to?